I am a Sugar Addict.

My personal journey towards The Sweet Escape.

I’ve had issues with sugar my whole life. As a baby my mum added sugar to my formula milk, not realising it already had sugar in it. Science shows that the earlier a child is exposed to an excess of sugar and processed foods, the more likely they are to experience issues with it.

Growing up in the 80s, at the start of the processed food era, I lived on processed food. Sugary cereal for breakfast, sugar-laden yogurt and jam sandwiches for lunch, and anything cheesy for dinner. A phobia of the texture of most foods meant a very restricted diet, washed down with two litres of Irn Bru a day. 

Mind-Body Connection

In my twenties, I started to recognise the connection between what I was eating and how I felt, so started to eat fruit and vegetables, but I was bingeing on a regular basis. At the time I didn’t realise bingeing was an issue, it was just the way I always ate, and it felt normal to me, even though I often felt full and lethargic and struggled to stop eating.

When I traveled through Asia in my early thirties, without access to gluten and dairy, I found my health improved massively. I had a lot more energy and ate a lot more lean protein and veggies, but I still had occasional issues with bingeing.

‘Real’ Addiction

In my forties I spent three years training as a nutritional therapist in the hope it might help improve my relationship with food.  Sugar addiction was mentioned once, in passing, in the whole three years of training.  I remember a classmate asking if people with sugar addiction just ate sugar from the bag and I told her about the time I sat on my kitchen floor at two in the morning with a spoon and a bag of sugar, getting my fix.

Even with a nutritional therapy qualification, I was still bingeing. I tried all sorts of therapies; hypnosis, EFT, Sedona Method, meditation, Intuitive Eating, Theta healing, fasting, and a month of detoxing in Thailand, but I was never able to stick to eating natural foods and always fell back into craving and gorging on heavily processed foods.

I’d often said, over the years, that I was addicted to sugar, but I never took myself seriously, because in my mind it was nothing like drug or alcohol addiction; it was food and everyone eats food. We need food to survive, so it wasn’t like it was a real addiction. 

Two years ago, I found Mike Collins (aka The Sugar-Free Man) and realised that not only was sugar a real addiction, but it was also one of the hardest addictions to overcome. I’ve come across a lot of recovering alcoholics and drug addicts who say sugar is harder to get off than alcohol or drugs.

Sugar Addiction is a real and debilitating disease.

I used to eat in my car so no one would see me bingeing. I’d sneak food into the house so I wouldn’t have to share it, then hide in my room and eat it. I’d say no to going out with friends because I just wanted to stay home and eat and if I did go out with friends or visited family, I was never fully present as I’d constantly be thinking about when I could next eat and what I would eat. I’d throw food in the bin so I couldn’t eat it, only to pull it back out hours later. I was sluggish, tired, brain-fogged, forgetful, depressed, and anxious.

The Road to Recovery

When I’m not relapsing I’ve found that I can moderate my sugar intake in certain environments and situations. If I’m eating healthy and surrounded by people doing the same, I find it easier to stay on track and maybe occasionally eat something sweet. It’s usually something just lying around, that I can’t seem to just walk past, I don’t tend to go out of my way to buy or make anything sweet. There are other environments, such as visiting family, where I find it more difficult to abstain and find myself sliding. Thankfully as time passes I’m finding it easier.

And it’s not just sugar, there are several different foods that trigger bingeing for me which I choose not to eat. Then there are the borderline food, which I overeat, but I find the more I get into recovery, the less I want to eat these foods.

When I eat natural foods, I feel full of energy, joyful and happy. I find myself connecting with people on a level I’ve never experienced before.  Now I’m off sugar, I’ve realised that many of the ‘ailments’ I had were actually side effects of the addiction. And it's not just about the food, I’m learning that my mood, mental well-being, emotions, how much I exercise, how much good quality sleep I get, how much TV I watch, how often I listen to the news, and socialising with positive people, all have an impact on my wellbeing.

The beautiful thing about realising you are addicted to food is the knowledge that it’s not your fault. The realisation that willpower is never going to work, and that you can just let go of the guilt and shame you’ve felt for years, is incredibly liberating. That said, I need to point out that it’s not an easy journey, recovery from addiction never is. Relapses are inevitable, but I always learn something valuable about my relationship with food and myself each time I relapse. I don’t beat myself up as I used to, and just accept that it is part of my recovery.

Food Freedom Collective

While I will use this platform to share my own personal stories, experiences, and reflections from my research and studies, The Sweet Escape aims to be more than a newsletter publication. I want to create a community, free from advertisements, algorithms, and distractions, where people can come to feel safe, supported, and inspired on their own journey to freedom with food. A hub of resources and lifestyle tips to help readers learn and also connect with each other, all the while shining a light on the ludicrousy of our current food climate and the practices of the media, food industry, and governments that keep us stuck in addiction.

If you’re interested in learning more about this subject, please check out my article on the Heal Scotland website - Are you Addicted to Sugar?

Thanks for reading! Subscribe for more and please do share with those you feel would benefit from this type of content and community.

---